At 35, I can confidently say that I know what me feels like. What a road it’s been, inhabiting the skins of my guardians. Cloaking my essence in crowd consciousness. Dampening authenticity for the fleeting rush of belonging to the bond of accepted behaviors.

I am unfamiliar with consciously experiencing my emotions, which feels utterly terrifying when I do. Fear is a powerful force, and when consciously recognized, can be a tremendous energy source for facing the unknown. When it is not consciously understood, the energy of fear can cause one to conjure up some devastating demons.

I want to belong to my body. That has been my intention for some time. I want to feel safe and whole. I want to be free to express myself without limitation. Without self judgement or criticism. Without worrying whether I am too big or too much or too of anything for the others in the room. I want to live embodied.