13 days in Tulum. 13 sacred days of wrestling with my own inner darkness to learn to let go of control. Perhaps the grass isn’t always greener on the traveling side, but at the very least meeting myself in unfamiliar terrain meant coming home to more of me.

I want to belong to my body. That has been my intention for some time. I want to feel safe and whole. I want to be free to express myself without limitation. Without self judgement or criticism. Without worrying whether I am too big or too much or too of anything for the others in the room. I want to live embodied.

I was terribly afraid of the dark and being alone. I feared sleep. I’d fight the urge to relax at any and all chance. The moment I’d start to slip into the unconscious, my nervous system would send a jolt down my spine to wake up. Be alert. It’s not safe to let my guard down.

What makes the decision to travel to Tulum different than the others, is I will be on my own. I find comfort in being lead, less responsibility, less ownership to speaking forth my desires. Not yet realizing how comfortable I was living in hiding.