You cannot heal through your thinking. To heal at the matrix level means to get to the root causation of all forms of ailments. Which is of course, where the root of all of our dreams and aspirations live too. 

It happened again last night. Waking up to the chilling heat of a full body panic. I don’t feel safe. Thoughts racing, grasping at stories to make sense of the boiling agitation and gripping of nerves coiled tightly around my spine suffocating me from the inside.

I am terrified of the Light, I feel what it does to me; shaking loose everything I have ever cherished, every dream I ever built, even those that remained as castles in the sky, thought does not serve a purpose here. I am just the vessel, I guess that’s what I’ve signed on to be, a body that transforms human suffering.

I was terribly afraid of the dark and being alone. I feared sleep. I’d fight the urge to relax at any and all chance. The moment I’d start to slip into the unconscious, my nervous system would send a jolt down my spine to wake up. Be alert. It’s not safe to let my guard down.